There is no word in the French language for it, either.
[Image: An illustration of a person standing in a classroom. They’re wearing a schoolgirl uniform with a space helmet and holding a magic staff with a white flag tied to it.]
(Source: cloudisu, via nippura)
Originally this was supposed to be a quotes blog, but I guess I ran out of cool quotes to reblog. Maybe I will get Lea to make me some. It seems like 90% of tumblr quotes are love-related and I am not too interested in that schlep. I mean I like being in love, but talking about it in the abstract is kind of repetitive so yeah.
[Image: An illustration of a fashionable girl wearing pearls, a hair accessory with dangling lace and pearls, and a white loose top that ties at the bottom. The colour scheme is a grey and peach blend that works well with her pale skin and reddish hair. She has a cutesy photo pose and a startled expression.]
[Image: Illustration of a schoolgirl removing a ribbon from her hair.]
[tw: verbal/emotional abuse in the SJ community, triggering people (possibly on purpose)]
Icky Harry: On “Privileged Feelings”
I saw a post this morning to the gist of “people need to stop being dismissive of people’s feelings (in the context of ‘aw, did I hurt your privileged little fee-fees’) because feelings are largely the basis of people’s psychological or emotional state, and should be accommodated.
I’m not going…
I think I fundamentally agree with this. Feeling “bad” after being called out, and writing post after post about how “bad” you feel and how that feeling obligates other marginalized people to *do* something for you so that you feel better is oppressive and shitty and not a thing that I want to be supporting.
HOWEVER. I never gave any of that context in my post. In fact! What I actually said included this:
If someone is being overly defensive or trying to re-center the discussion or something else that’s actually harmful and couching it as “this is how I feeeel,” then you can—JESUS CHRIST—you can just call out their defensiveness or centering.
I understand that “don’t berate people for their ‘fee-fees’” is a very vague request. Especially when what I really mean is that this cult of “feelings don’t matter” is fucked up and damaging. What I mean is that people have abused (as in set-up-a-vertical-power-structure-over-and-then-systematically-scared-and-hurt-the-shit-out-of abused) other tumblrites over a perceived oppressive act. And that, yes, this gets couched as “well fuck you and your privleged fee-fees.” Because the whole point of living in an “abuse culture” is that any socially acceptable meme that *can* be used to support abusive behavior? will be used to support abusive behavior. And that’s the premise of “we should put a stop to rationalizations that can so easily support abusive behavior.”
So when you say shit like “privileged people’s feelings don’t matter as long as an oppressed person is trying to ‘call them out’” then that sentiment can be applied to situations where those feelings are “scared shitless” and “triggered” and “having a relapse/breakdown/panic attack” just as easily as they can be applied to situations where those feelings are “annoyed at being de-centered” or “pissed off.”
And I would characterize the vast majority of call-outs that “crossed the line” as non-abusive. But I would still say that they indeed crossed the fucking line and became a whole lot less about coming to a productive resolution like “I’ll take down my offensive post” and a whole lot more about seeing the supposed wrong-doer experience some kind of pain/trigger/fear.
That’s not okay and that’s something we need to talk about.
Abusing people is not okay. Making people have panic attacks is not okay. Saying that the feelings of some people do not matter when the feelings might include “being triggered” is not okay. It doesn’t matter who they are.
Oh god, I had a nightmare last night that this happened to me. It ended with the lunch monitor sending me to the police for expressing my feelings, in an actually very slight exaggeration of something that really happened to me.
More generally applicable point, though: I’ve noticed that when people are calling others out, they often assume that the other person has all privileges. They forget to take into account things like triggering because they have just assumed that the other doesn’t experience marginalisation. You would think that the SJ community of all places would try not to do that to people, but when calling out, somehow, they often make that assumption.
And it’s also kind of important to remember that there are types of oppression that heavily make use of belittling people’s feelings, so devaluing the importance of “fee-fees” might not be the best? (I personally already think that society undervalues feelings and that this needs to be corrected, but that’s a rant for another time.)
(augh why am I getting involved in these discussions again, sigh.)
“it’s okay to draw shitty pictures. it’s okay to practice and not get something and make a pile of ugly, shitty drawings that make you want to flip a table. not everything you draw has to be awesome. you don’t even have to fix everything you make that’s shitty. you can look at it and go hey this is really shitty, and this is why, and fold it into a paper airplane. don’t be embarrassed of your failures. don’t feel dumb when you don’t know how to draw something. that knowledge is not built into you or anyone else.
it’s easy to draw a shitty leg or whatever and think ‘dang, this seems so simple, someone else could have drawn this same thing right in eight seconds, i should know how to do this it’s only a leg i’ve got two jammed onto my own ass’ but no matter who you compare yourself to i guarantee they’ve sat around thinking to themselves, ‘dang this is a shitty ______ i just did, everyone makes it look so easy’ and they’ve made piles of shitty drawings too, ones that took them hours and hours and still looked massively shitty, even. don’t get so MAD when you do it, stop sweating all over your tablet with your meaty anger fists. you want to make something and uh oh you can’t? well you’re going to learn how a lot faster if you aren’t sticking your thumb up your ass in protest simmer down”
does the space cold make your nipples go pointy: more advice mostly to myself (via heysawbones)
I need to remember this too, so much.
[Image: An illustration of a girl sitting on a park bench with some pillows and books and a curled-up white cat. She has a coat and long pants, but some flowers are blooming and the trees have a few leaves and the grass is green. Behind her on one side is the tall window of a fancy building.]
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[Image: Illustration of a schoolgirl sitting on the train. The only other person in the picture, sitting the next seat block over, is another person in a schoolgirl uniform who has a bunny head. The whole picture is colourful in a surreal bright kind of way.]
(Source: mokishie, via nippura)